Mountain Dew

I have not sat down and really tried to write a blogpost in a very long time. Being in grad school to become a therapist has meant reevaluating, reimagining my relationship with the internet. When I think of the Internet, capital “I,” I don’t have good associations. But my little corner of the internet, lowercase “i,” has been such a beautiful creative outlet. I originally started blogging because I loved photography and writing and I wanted a page I could curate that would be all my own. Facebook and Myspace were the only social media outlets at the time and bombarding people photos in their feeds felt a little annoying. A blog was somewhere separate people could seek out if they wanted to, but it was mostly for me. My first blog was called If My Fingers Were Feathers - a little phrase that came to me, sitting in my dome (iykyk - UC Davis) in college. I was going to create a podcast with the same name this year but I am unsure how to navigate sharing on the internet if I will have clients that can find me talking about whatever life experiences or opinions I might share there. While it is not mind-blowing that our therapists have lives of their own and I am not one to see what I can find about my own therapist, I know some people are more investigative. Photos are somewhat safe to me. You can imagine what this hike looked like, what happened before and after, how I felt with the mountain dew beneath my bare feet - all without me having to tell you anything. Even though there is more of your imagination involved and I am not setting the record straight, it feels safer. It’s not about me and my opinions, it’s about you and how the photos make you feel. It’s about art. And art will always be top of my priority list. Creating just feeds my soul and I’ll figure out what that looks like moving forward.

Little Broski

Sometime last year I got a text from Eli that still makes me beam. Out of nowhere, the five year old little brother I left behind while I turned 18 and went to college (over 10 years ago) told me that he thought we were the most similar out of the five siblings. The reasons he gave were sweet and insightful. He said he wished he had gotten to grow up with me still in the house and it obviously made me teary. I figured I was out of sight out of mind a bit with the little kids. I chose a university out of town, but only an hour and a half from home because I knew I still wanted to be involved in my siblings lives. But I moved farther and farther away as time went on: abroad to Brazil, to Los Angeles, and now New York City. He and I both love a good outfit and a photoshoot so we got the other members of the fam to take these on an excursion behind my aunt’s house in Pennsylvania this past weekend. I feel very lucky to be seen and appreciated by the brother I grew up the least with. The power of family is truly beautiful. Now he is around the age I was when I left home, and it is so joyous to see him discover himself and fall in love with life in a whole new way. Being a big sister is so wonderful :)

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Em algum momento do ano passado, recebi uma mensagem de Eli que ainda me faz sorrir. Do nada, o irmãozinho de cinco anos que deixei para trás quando completei 18 anos e fui para a faculdade (há mais de 10 anos) me disse que achava que éramos os mais parecidos dos cinco irmãos. As razões que ele deu foram doces e perspicazes. Ele disse que gostaria de ter crescido comigo ainda em casa e isso obviamente me fez chorar. Percebi que estava um pouco fora de vista com as criancinhas. Escolhi uma universidade fora da cidade, mas a apenas uma hora e meia de casa porque sabia que ainda queria me envolver na vida dos meus irmãos. Mas fui me afastando cada vez mais com o passar do tempo: no exterior para o Brasil, para Los Angeles e agora para Nova York. Ele e eu amamos uma boa roupa e uma sessão de fotos, então conseguimos que os outros membros da família os levassem em uma excursão atrás da casa da minha tia na Pensilvânia no fim de semana passado. Sinto-me muito sortuda por ser vista e apreciada pelo irmão com quem menos cresci. O poder da família é realmente lindo. Agora ele tem mais ou menos a idade que eu tinha quando saí de casa, e é tão bom vê-lo se descobrir e se apaixonar pela vida de uma maneira totalmente nova. Ser irmã mais velha é tão maravilhoso :)

Parque Lage

Hey hey! Yesterday I went to Parque Lage for the first time ever! It was bigger and even more beautiful than I expected. There are tons of little trails that lead you to some amazing spots - all green and gorgeous. It is only a few blocks away from where I am living now and entry is free so I will definitely be back soon. One of the things I love so much about Rio is how the city is tucked into nature. The mountains and forest are a backdrop to it all. Today is Election Day in Brazil and they elected Bolsonaro, a misogynistic, racist, homophobic, militant man, with little respect for nature I might add. I was biking back from Gávea this evening when it was officially announced that he won and lots of people were yelling and honking (in excitement). After over a decade of one party’s corruption people here are hungry for change, but the alternative is someone who openly spreads hate. It sounds sadly familiar. This world … I don’t understand it. I’ll be here when he begins his term in January so we’ll have to wait and see.

Ei ei! Ontem fui ao Parque Lage pela primeira vez! Era maior e ainda mais bonito do que eu esperava. Há toneladas de pequenas trilhas que levam a alguns pontos surpreendentes - tudo verde e lindo. É apenas a poucos quarteirões de distância de onde eu estou vivendo agora ea entrada é gratuita, então eu definitivamente voltarei em breve. Uma das coisas que eu amo tanto no Rio é como a cidade está escondida na natureza. As montanhas e a floresta são um pano de fundo para tudo isso. Hoje é o dia da eleição no Brasil e eles elegeram Bolsonaro, um homem misógino, racista, homofóbico e militante, com pouco respeito pela natureza que eu poderia acrescentar. Eu estava pedalando de volta da Gávea esta noite quando foi anunciado oficialmente que ele venceu e muitas pessoas estavam gritando e buzinando (em empolgação). Depois de mais de uma década de corrupção de uma parte, as pessoas aqui estão famintas por mudanças, mas a alternativa é alguém que abertamente espalha o ódio. Soa tristemente familiar. Este mundo ... eu não entendo isso. Eu estarei aqui quando ele começar seu mandato em janeiro, então teremos que esperar e ver.

paz e amor

Mariamma